Week 14 NFL Picks B

Week 14 NFL Picks Against the Spread B (HOME teams in caps)

Cowboys (-10.5) over LIONS:
The free-fall continues for Kitna and the Fighting Simbas. After getting dismantled last week by the best running back tandem in the league, this week they get the second best pair supported by an excellent passing attack and a stout defense. It looks like a blow-out which the way my predictions have gone this year means the Lions will win this one. Oh well, live by the sword… I’ll take the ‘Boys on the road by a ton.

BILLS (-7) over Dolphins:
Is there anything left to say about the Dolphins at this point? How about this: John Beck has thrown for 418 yards in his 3 starts for Miami…combined… with zero touchdowns and 3 INTs. In fact, the Dolphins have not scored an offensive touchdown passing or rushing with Beck at the helm. Matt Ryan to Miami #1 overall in April?

Giants (+2.5) over EAGLES:
I’ve gotten to the point where I need to wash my hands after picking the Giants to win games. Betting on Eli just makes me feel dirty. But the spreads are just so enticing week after week… I bet this is how crack feels.

Panthers (+10.5) over JAGUARS:
This game screams TRAP!!! A tough loss last week to Indy effectively knocks them to Wild Card status, and with the Steelers looming next week, the Jags are ripe for the picking. Too bad they’re playing the Ageless Wonder Vinny T and the toothless Panthers. I really can’t think of any reason to pick the Panthers other than I just can’t pick the Jags this week.

TITANS (PK) over Chargers:
I have made the wrong pick in every Titans game this year. No kidding. So this week I decided to get scientific about the process. I flipped a coin…and it bounced so that it was leaning against the wall. I can’t make this stuff up. The second time I flipped it, it came up heads, which I predetermined to be the Titans. My advise to you is to pick the Chargers.

BENGALS (-7) over Rams:
I was all set to pick the Rams in this one. Then I heard that Marc Bulger will be out meaning Brock Berlin (aka the guy who couldn’t take the starting job away from Rex Grossman at Florida) will start at QB for the Rams. In much the same way that the only job worse than crack-whore is assistant crack-whore (thank you Norm McDonald) the only QB worse than Rex Grossman is the back-up to Rex Grossman.

THE SPORTSMAN OF THE YEAR (and his merry men) (-10.5) over Raiders:
If you picked Justin Fargas in your Fantasy draft you’re probably smiling. Justin Fargas is ninth in the league in rushing. Of course if you picked Justin Fargas in your fantasy draft everyone else in the room probably looked at you like you were the girl who picked the 13 seed to make the Elite 8 because she like the color scheme of their uniforms. In fact, according to ESPN.com, Justin Fargas is only owned in 86.5% of leagues even now. If Justin Fargas is available in your league, go pick Justin Fargas up! (you may have noticed I’ve typed Justin Fargas’ full name seven times now, this is because this is probably the most pub. Justin Fargas(8) has received since high school and I want you to remember Justin Fargas’(9) name long enough to add Justin Fargas (10) to your fantasy team) None of this will matter as Favre has apparently awakened the spirits of Packers past, and there’s no way they lose again before arriving in Dallas for the NFC Championship game.

Steelers (+10.5) over PATRIOTS:
I would have taken the Steelers straight up against the Pats until Anthony Smith made the weakest guarantee in sports history. First of all, who is Anthony Smith? Secondly, if you’re going to guarantee a win, don’t follow your guarantee by saying (paraphrased) ‘as long as everything goes right and we play the way we’re capable and the offense and special teams don’t screw us then we’ll win.’ Why don’t you just say that if you hold them to fewer points than your offense scores you’ll win? How about you leave the trash talk to the guys who have started for more than a month? Ass.

Buccaneers (-3) over TEXANS:
Garcia is back, and Matt Schaub has a glass jaw. Ahman Green is on IR and Ron Dayne is awful in goal line situations despite weighing 245 pounds and has no burst at the second level. As with most other games this season, it’s not so much that the Bucs are good as that they are playing teams devoid of talent.

Cardinals (+7) over SEAHAWKS:
I can’t explain this one. On paper, the Seahawks should win easily. But they didn’t win in week 2 in Arizona, and while the ‘Hawks might win, I don’t think they will cover this week.

49ERS (+8.5) over Vikings:
You can’t give a one dimensional team like the Vikings more than a touchdown on the road… even against a team as bad as San Fran. In case you didn’t know, the 49ers have the tie-breaker against the other 3-9 teams for the #2 overall pick in April’s NFL Draft. That pick belongs to the Patriots. Can you imagine the Pats going 19-0 and then adding Darren McFadden? That just doesn’t seem fair.

Browns (-3.5) over JETS:
No brainer. How do the Vikings give 8.5 on the road while the Browns only give 3.5 against equally awful teams? How is a 7-5 team only a 3.5 point favorite against a team who is 3-9 with two of those wins coming against the Dolphins?

Chiefs (+6.5) over BRONCOS:
This is the Masochist Game of the Week. You have to really hate yourself to watch or bet on this game.

Colts (-9) over RAVENS:
There’s no way Kyle Boller and Willis McGahee have the games of their lives in consecutive weeks. And that’s what it would take to keep this game close.

Saints (-4) over FALCONS:
This game is why they need to wait until the pre-season to decide which games will be on MNF each week. Did anyone think this would be a good game after Vick’s suspension? And now that the Saints have lost both starting running backs, we can’t even hope for an explosive blowout. Saints win 17-12.

Last Week: 9-7 ATS